By any Other Name
by sunshine-48
Summary: Jay Hogart knows what it’s like to be lost. Darcy Edwards just wants to be found. AU.


Disclaimer: I've got nothing. Which kind of sucks. Please don't sue.

Pairings: Jay/Darcy. Will be others and undertones.

Warning: This is AU. Some things have happened. Darcy's rape did happen, but there is a major twist with that. Manny did date Spinner. And other things will change in time.

Summary: Jay Hogart knows what it's like to be lost. Darcy Edwards just wants to be found. AU.

* * *

By any Other Name

Chapter 1: Down Memory Lane

_Heaven bent to take my hand  
And lead me through the fire  
Be the long awaited answer  
To a long and painful fight_

Fallen- Sarah McLachlan

* * *

It was five thirty in the morning when Darcy Edwards bolted out of bed. In a matter of seconds her head was bent over the toilet and she emptied out the contents of her stomach. The bitter taste of vomit stung her mouth and she felt the salty tears stream down her face. She flushed the toilet twice when she was done. She hefted herself off of the cold tiled floor. She sniffled and gripped the edge of the sink. She washed out her mouth, praying for the bitter taste to leave her alone. She washed away all evidence of tears that stained her face.

Not once did she glance in the mirror.

"_Do you see yourself? You're such a tease." _

Darcy shook her head, trying to rid herself of her memories.

She quietly opened the bathroom door and crept back into her room. She walked into her room and left the door open. She discovered she was shaking when she was underneath her covers. It was October and the heat was still stifling.

"_You know you want this Darce."_

Her psychiatrist told her that it wasn't her fault. She said that it was common for girls to feel like they did something to deserve it. _"No one deserves that."_ Her psychiatrist said. She said that it was important that Darcy surround herself with people who cared about her. _"Don't feel rushed. Just go at your own pace."_ Her psychiatrist told her that she should put her focus on something good. She said that the rumours would die down.

Darcy figured that her psychiatrist forgot what it was like to be a teenager.

Her father found it hard to look Darcy in the eyes. Every time they were in the same room, his eyes would skim every surface but he could never look his oldest child in the eyes. Darcy would never forget the first time her father accidentally locked eyes with her. He looked tormented, lost and afraid. Darcy thought that her father felt guilty. Her father had what Darcy and her younger sister called a 'hero complex.'

"_He likes to save people, even if it doesn't involve him. Your dad has always been like that."_ Her mother once told Darcy and her sister.

Darcy's best friend Manny Santos told Darcy that her mother cried harder than Manny thought possible. The moment Darcy's mother walked through the door and saw her oldest daughter lying on the hospital bed, bruised and broken; she broke down into fresh tears. She gripped Darcy's hand and sobbed about not being there to protect her.

Claire, the second and youngest Edwards child, stood by her big sister's side and never drifted far away. She was twelve years old going on thirteen when she saw what had happened to her older sister.

Manny stayed by her side too. Never leaving her at school unless it was for classes that they didn't have together. "I wish I was as smart you D, then we'd be in most classes together." Manny told her the first day Darcy came back.

Darcy remembered looking around, hearing all the whispers and seeing all the stares. Darcy was no saint. She and Manny had ruined lives at their high school. They did what they wanted, when they wanted. They made fun of people. They stuck to their own. They were the top of the pyramid. And then Darcy came crashing down. There was no soft landing.

"_I heard that she hooked up with some random guy." _

"_J.T. said something a threesome." _

"_Didn't you hear? She was plastered." _

"_I heard there's a videotape." _

"_Looks like the queen bitch is the queen of whores." _

"_I always knew she was a slut." _

Manny told her to forget about them.

Darcy tried but she always internally winced when a comment was thrown her way.

Darcy ended up quitting the Cheerleading squad. Manny was saddened but she understood. The other girls looked on with victorious smiles.

Darcy threw herself into her studies. She found a strange comfort with history and facts.

They never changed.

"_Don't scream Darcy. It's just me." _

She heard a soft rapt on her door. Darcy looked up from the covers to see Claire standing in the doorway looking at her.

The sun was just starting to rise. The light seeped slowly into her room.

Darcy made a moving movement with her hands. Claire padded into the room and sunk underneath the covers with her sister.

Claire rubbed Darcy's back as she cried into the new morning.

"_I thought you were a big girl Darcy. Big girls don't cry."_

* * *

Jay Hogart's father left when he was nine years old. He remembers that day because his mother was screaming. She was begging him not to leave her. That was the first and last time that Jay ever saw his mother cry. His father shrugged her off and ruffled his son's hair as he walked out the door. Jay remembers the door slamming shut and the sound echoing around the room like a resounding slap, Over and over again.

He figured that it was the sharp sound of the door and not his mother's heart-wrenching sobs that woke his three month old brother. So, Jay climbed up the steps of their two story house and into the nursery room where his brother lay crying. Jay picked up three month old Jackson Hogart and rocked him back to sleep.

When Jackson was six months old, they moved from their two story house into a two bedroom apartment.

"_It's cheaper."_ His mother said.

His mother, who was a stay at home mom and lived off of her husband's income, had to instantly become accustomed to work life. Her job as a waitress at the local diner meant that Jay had to become the man of the house. There were days when the two Hogart brothers would not see their mom. She left notes, telling them where she was and that dinner was in the fridge or oven.

He was thirteen when he met Alex Nunez. She had black hair, a bad attitude and a monster of a left hook. Jay instantly liked her. She instantly liked him. They became partners in crime and later on boyfriend and girlfriend. They were each other's firsts'. When he was sixteen they broke up. He hooked up with other girls. She stayed low.

In due time Jay Hogart was disappearing as often as his mother. Jackson was always at school or at their neighbour's apartment.

It was when Jay Hogart was seventeen years old that it happened. He and Alex were together again. They were at a party. Craig Manning knew how to throw memorable parties. The other guy threw the first punch. Jay just retaliated. They ended up flying through the window. The other guy, whose name Jay didn't bother to learn, was in the hospital for three weeks. Jay was booked and thrown into Juvenile Hall for a year.

He got out exactly a year later and to his dismay had to re-do his senior year at Degrassi High. His mother wouldn't take no for an answer.

Jay called up Alex. She laughed hard when he told her the news.

"_At least you'll be there." Jay said. _

"_Ah. No I won't. I graduated early." She told him still laughing. _

"_Traitor." _

He'd be an idiot if he said that he didn't listen to the rumours. It was hard not too. Especially since his only friend at the high school had the biggest mouth. Spinner Mason, always said that he didn't listen to gossip but he was the first one to spread it around. Jay knew that Spinner was full of shit.

Jay knew who Darcy Edwards and Manny Santos were. Spinner and Manny dated for a week back in September until Spinner opened his big mouth let out an insult about Darcy Edwards. Jay laughed until his sides hurt when he saw Spinner the next day with a bruised eye and busted up lip.

It was mid-September when Sean Cameron's ex-girlfriend, Emma Nelson, started making eyes at Jay. Alex wasn't his girlfriend and the little blonde was kind of cute. Spinner made kissing noises and picked on him endlessly. Jay threatened him with another bruised eye if he didn't shut-up.

She was a year younger than him and entirely too bossy. They fought more than they made-out.

It was near the end of September and the rumours about Darcy Edwards's sudden fall from grace were still going strong. Spinner, Jay and Emma were sitting outside when Spinner and Emma started talking. Jay started to mourn over the loss of silence.

"_She is hot." Spinner said. _

_Emma shook her head in disgust. "She's a whore and you know what? She deserves everything that she gets." She shook her head. "It just pisses me off that she's so smart. How can someone who's a complete bitch be so smart? It's unfair." _

_Spinner nodded. "Is there really a videotape? Because I heard she's like totally wild. I wouldn't mind tapping that." _

Jay droned them out and stared at the seventeen year old girl that walked out of the school doors. She was walking alone. Jay knew from his math class that Manny wasn't in school that day. She was wearing a pair of light jeans, when girls were wearing skirts. She had a white tank-top on under a light pink cardigan. Her honey brown hair cascaded past her shoulders in slight waves. She walked, with her head held up high to the last picnic table at the end of the courtyard. No one was around her.

It was like she was in No Man's Land.

She ate her lunch completely unaware of Jay studying her. He wasn't stupid nor was he blind. Jay knew that she was one of the prettiest girls in the school. He also knew that she used to be one of popular girls who ruined lives for fun. She looked up and caught his eyes. He stared back defiantly. She dropped her gaze two seconds later.

Jay didn't see the bitch that everyone proclaimed she was, when he looked into her eyes for those brief seconds. He didn't see the whore or the slut. All he saw was a lonely girl who wanted to be found.

And if Jay Hogart knew anything; it was how to feel lost.

* * *

The banging of the lockers was starting to give Darcy Edwards a headache. She looked sideways at Manny who was talking and Darcy nodded supportively. She didn't know what Manny was saying but at that point all Darcy did was smile and nod. They came to their lockers and Manny leaned against them as Darcy opened hers.

"I'm thinking of getting a sex change." Manny announced.

"Good for you Manny." Darcy said.

Manny let out a loud sigh. "Okay, what's wrong?"

Darcy looked at her. "What do you mean what's wrong? Nothing's wrong."

"I just told you I was thinking of getting a sex change and you said _'good for you Manny._' Your support means a lot to me D. but I think I can do without your support on that one."

Darcy shook her head. "I really am sorry Manny, I just wasn't paying attention."

Manny shrugged. "It's okay." She peered at the brown haired girl. "Seriously though, what's wrong?"

"I'm just…" She trailed off afraid of saying it aloud. _'Scared. Terrified. Not sleeping properly. Crying all the damn time.' _She finished in her head. She shut her locker lightly and mimicked Manny's posture. "I just hear his voice and see his face all the time." She said softly.

"You're scared." Manny said.

"Terrified is more like it." Darcy admitted. "I'm afraid that he'll pop up out of nowhere."

"He won't." Manny spat out. "I swear to God Darcy, he won't come anywhere near Degrassi."

"Thanks Manny." Darcy told her. "I don't know what I'd do without you."

Manny smiled. "You'd be fine. You always are."

The bell rang and Manny groaned. "I do not want to go to History." She looked at Darcy. "At least it beats Calculus."

"You're funny Manny." Darcy deadpanned.

"I know, I know. Come on, I'll walk you to class."

"Manny, your History class is on the other side of the school. You're going to be late. I can walk to English by myself." Darcy said.

Manny hesitated. "Darcy, I don't think that's a good idea."

Darcy shooed her away with her hands. "Go. I'll be fine."

Manny nodded slowly. "You'll tell me if anyone does or says anything. I'll kick their ass."

Darcy promised and watched as the newly turned blonde haired girl walked down the other way. Darcy turned and took a deep breath. She could do this. She could walk down the hall and turn to the right. She noticed the people who purposefully shoved her. She heard the hisses thrown at her.

Her psychiatrist was wrong. Things hadn't blown over.

It was like every bad thing Darcy had ever done was coming back at her, tenfold.

* * *

Emma broke up with Jay that morning. She said that she needed some time alone and that she couldn't be with someone who always wanted to take and not give. Jay figured that he was the taker. He wasn't too sad about it.

His Geography class was a joke. They had a substitute. Jay was pretty sure that she wouldn't be coming back. _Ever. _

His Math class was boring as much as it was confusing. He spent the hour yawning.

His English class was stupid. He didn't want to hear about a man whose last name was Yeast. Or something like that.

He was happy for the lunch break and spent most of it telling Spinner to mind his own business.

After lunch was his mechanics class and that was the only class that he bothered to do any work in at all.

After his mechanics class he was homebound and free. He loved Prep periods. No class and freedom to do whatever he wanted to do. Monday's were the best because his Prep period was the last.

He cursed when his name was called down to the office just before the bell rang to change classes.

Jay walked into the office and the secretary told him that he could go right on into Principle Wu's office. He opened the door and it was only after he shut it that he stopped short. He stared at the seventeen year old girl sitting in one of the chairs.

"Jay." Principle Wu said, "Take a seat."

"I didn't do it." Was his automatic answer.

The principle smiled at him. "That's just it Jay. You're not doing anything."

"I'm not following." He kept looking at the girl next to him.

The smile was now gone from Principle Wu's face. She leaned forward. "It was against my wishes taking you back into the school Jay. However, your mother promised me that you'd be good."

"I have been." Jay said defensively.

"Yes, you have." Principle Wu admitted. "But let's take a look at your marks."

"Let's not." Jay said. He looked at the girl again. She was staring at her lap.

"You're marginally passing your classes. Your best mark is in Mechanics and you don't need that to graduate. You want to know what course you do need to graduate?"

He mentally did a scan. He never failed anything in his Math class so far. Even though it was boring and often times confusing he knew he was still passing. Geography, he knew he was passing that. Biology, he was doing okay in. A 54 was still a pass, wasn't it? Mechanics, he was soaring high, so, all that's left is…fuck. English.

Who needed English anyways? He knew how to speak the language, shouldn't that be enough?

"We're not even in the middle of the second month Jay and you're so far behind in English that I can't even begin to imagine how you do it."

"I don't." Jay said.

"If it were up to me Jay, I'd kick you out right now. But it's not. Because I know your mother would be devastated. So I came up with another plan. Your Prep period is E block."

"So what? And what does it have to do with her?" Jay asked.

Principle Wu sat back in her chair. "She happens to have the highest grade in advanced English." She informed him. Jay had a feeling he knew where this was going. "I'm sure you two already know each other but I'll do introductions anyway. Darcy Edwards this is Jay Hogart. Jay Hogart this is your tutor Darcy Edwards."

'_Oh, yeah.'_ Jay thought, _'Totally saw that one coming. Spinner is going to get a kick out of this '_

* * *

So…what do you think? I hope every one liked it. I've been tossing this around in my head and decided what the heck?!

I'm sorry for any grammatical errors!

Reviews are greatly appreciated too!

Yours truly

**Books**

P.S. To my reviewers of Siblings and Co. I'm having major writing block on that but I'm trying I promise! The title is from Romeo and Juliet (at least part of it) and other things that don't belong to me either. Darn!


End file.
